Feels like you never have to come down you don't really want to stay out is all you need to go to s

Here I is! wahahaha

uhhh...

Let's see... I failed school, again, and I'm just going to get my GED. Depression and anxiety equates to evil and such, and I was weak and gave in. But I think I did a bit of the right thing. I was on the verge of going to school and ripping a few choice people a new asshole. I get so fed up with having to be nice and respecting of others when people are so rude in general! My temper was seriously eating away at me at times, I would come home and cry cause of how bad I felt about wanting to hurt others! Some people might laugh and think I couldn't beat my way out of a paper bag... to those people: you have yet to have seen me super mad, and/or super protective. Be happy that you haven't. Cause it's not pretty, at all. I once stabbed an aquaintance in the leg with a kitchen knife cause he hit a friend of mine in the face and gave her a black eye. I was 15 at the time, and the guy forgave me cause he knew I had EVERY fucking right to do something, but revenge is a nasty thing. I shouldn't have done that to him, and I regret it almost every night. That wasn't even the worst time my temper has ever been.

Anyways, I'm feeling pretty tired, I'll talk a bit more another day...

ciao!

the word my sims say when they want something... sad that I know that I thinks....



anyways... Yet again, I haven't been to school... I probably was going
to go int oa full out depression... but it seems that, instead, my
anxiety is kicking in...



I can be one of the most sociable people in the world at times... it's
all a matter of how much I trust someone, how I'm feeling, and my level
of anxiety...



my anxiety leve is almost always way up in the red when at school...
except when with friends... I feel more calm and I'm actually way in
the green zone... I'll talk to anyone almost when with friends... if I
feel that person doesn't mind me chatting



Overall... I prefer to observe things...

okay so I wrote that many many hours ago... my dad came in drunk around 2 am, talked drunk talk at me for about 2 hours.... not crazy drunk talk, well... some of it was... but some of it does cover on some things I needed to hear... still... it gave me the shits... bitter pill to swallow and all...

I'm not going to school today cause I'm going to work on making some lists of things... of what, jsut things on my mind, things about me...

when my dad was pushing my buttons, I surprising screamed out that I wanted to kill some of my classmates... which, I never realling hate or want to harm anyone... I'm supposedly the last person anyone at school would suspect to do such a thing... yet really, I do sort of fit that sterotypical, crazy, dipshit who blows some of their classmembers away... I tend to be silent a lot of the time... I don't get picked on directly, but people pick on my friends at times, and tread on some of my opinions and beliefs... and I say nothing about it... I have a hell of a temper too... I used to beat the hell out of my walls and throw shit for some of the most stupid of reasons...

One thing is that I can't just choose what I want to hear and what I don't wnat to hear, I don't have selective hearing... the noise builds up in my head nad makes me feel so weak and enraged at the same time... yet I do my best to hide that... I do my best to not hurt anyone through words even...

I don't necesarily want to be friends with everyone, nor make them think like me... I just wish to control my temper enough so that if I do do anything, I won't make matters worse for others, or kill anyone...

basically...

I'm crazy crazy...

when some jackass was sitting and cracking jokes about the dead in the tsunami that happened in december... and when people laughed at his joke... I wanted to strangle im to death... then slap the crap out of some of those dipshits for even laughing... I can't remember the joke exactly, I just remember that it was horrifyingly rude of him to say that...

Then, the last time I was in school, this one guy was bitching about how he wanted to spit in our geometry teacher's face for "failing him". HA!!! people can only fail themselves in that class... the teacher is super fair! if he took as much of that energy into his whining, opened his textbook, and at least followed along, took notes, ask some questions, and perhaps even pulled the teacher aside to talk about the posibility of a bit more help... and even ask figure out who in the class knows what the heck they are doing, then ask them for some help, things wouldn't be so hard...

anyways, that's all I'll say for now cause I need to poo

I am listening to Patsy Cline, Love Psychedelico, and Mushroomhead

The first single from their new album, Pretty in Black, Love in a Trashcan has a nice groove in it's sound!
Check it out for yourselves!

I was bored... can't sleep... thinking of still not setting foot in school for just one more day... but gah... I gotta go sometime... but still... I feel I just need one more day... to hide...

It's weird... I am the most social antisocial person! I'm fucking crazy! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

*opens and slams door over and over again*

CRAZY!!! AHHHH!!!!!!

AHHHH ahhh AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!